Tales of a Blustery Humorist
by Natsumiya Teirin
Summary: After a disasterous event at school, John is forced to take up the mantle of the Heir of Breath for his own protection, and is sent headfirst into a journey spanning across a multitude of universes. Strange how they all seem to focus on him and Dave, though.


**1:0**

 **OooOooOooOooO**

The eternal chessboard of Skaia was a torn up battleground. Chunks of marble had been uprooted, while others were spattered with blood and the haphazardly strewn corpses of Dersites and Prospitians alike. Overlooking it all, The Heir of Breath, normally so cheerful and light, bore an expression of mourning.

The cracks of the world appeared before his eyes, and where once they were thin golden lines, they were now thicker – like nickels turned on their sides and then stacked atop each other in a parody of a totem.

Green wisps of smoke trailed out, and The Heir shut his eyes.

This world was breaking, and if it got too far along, then _**He**_ would come, and if _**He**_ came, everything would fall to pieces.

There was only one option now.

The Heir called forth his most powerful weapon: the Hammer of Zillyhoo infused with the powers of Time and Space.

He remembered their sacrifices.

Before things got too bad…

 _ **Reset?**_

 _ **Yes_ No_**_

The Heir raised his hammer-

 _ **And then KRSSHHHHssshhhHh**_

 **Fzzz…**

 **OooOooOooOooO**

 **John: Wake up.**

You wake up and leap right out of bed. What a weird dream! Maybe Rose could lend some insight? But no, you can't bug her right now. It's like, one in the morning. She's most likely still asleep now.

But you don't think you'll be getting back to sleep anytime soon, so….

Hmm….there isn't really much you can do now. You suppose you could go outside, but you don't want to risk waking up your dad.

But wait!

Maybe Jade's up now?

You should check. If she is, she'll be able to help you make sense of your dream, or at the very least kill time till you're able to fall back asleep.

 **John: boot up your computer.**

You turn on your computer and log onto Pesterchum. It looks like Jade is indeed on!

 **John: pester Jade.**

 **-ectoBiologist (EB) began pestering gardenGnostic (GG)-**

EB: hi jade! are you awake?

GG: oh hi john

GG: yes i'm awake

GG: how can i help?

EB: well, see, it's just…

EB: I've been having these weird dreams lately, and now I can't sleep!

EB: god it's just SO FRUSTRATING!

EB: but anyway, yeah, i need you to analyze them for me?

GG: oh thats all it is

GG: yeah i can analyze your dreams but i dont know how much ill actually be able to tell you

EB: i'm not sure what that means but thanks, I guess.

GG: no problem john!

GG: now tell me about your weird dream!

EB: well, ok. it starts off and i'm in the sky, i think? and i'm just looking at this battlefield, except it looks more like a giant stretch of land, with hills and rivers and everything, but with a really weird chessboard design- black and white and all that.

GG: oh! that mustve been skaia!

EB: skaia?

GG: nevermind finish telling me about your dream!

EB: right. so, i was looking at this place, just littered with perfectly black and white dead bodies, and then, out of nowhere, these golden lines just started appearing in my vision. i don't know how i knew, but those lines were actually cracks in…something. i knew that if they got too wide, something really bad would happen. then a voice told me that if i forced them and destroyed everything, things would be okay, so i guess that's what i did…? and then i woke up.

EB: i dunno, but i feel like something really big's gonna happen soon.

GG: youre right john!

GG: something really important is going to happen today as a matter of fact, and youre actually going to play a big part in things

GG: but i think thats all i can say for now

GG: but when the time comes ill be able to protect you from the worst of it

EB: the worst of what though?

EB: ?

EB: jaaade?

GG: sorry john but i gotta go! Becs calling me!

 **-gardenGnostic(GG) has logged off-**

Huh…what was that all about?

Well, you guess there's not much use looking too deeply into it. Jade can be kinda weird sometimes, what with her apparent ability to tell the future. At any rate, she's given you something to think about for a little while- at least until your brain tires itself out.

 **John: Look out your window and contemplate.**

You go over to your window and look outside. The moon is still out for some reason, but it looks nice. So round and white. And just partially obscured by clouds.

Speaking of clouds…

What was Jade talking about? What was Skaia? And why would you have been there? A few theories run through your head, mostly involving things like cosmic destinies and chosen heroes and things like that. You dismiss them quickly. You just don't know enough about this to be sure of anything.

You wonder if it wouldn't help to go to sleep.

 **John: Go back to sleep.**

You crawl back into your bed and pull the soft covers up to your chin. You turn just a little bit so your body is tilted leftwards, and fall back asleep.

 _ **BE thE OthEr gUy!**_

Your name is **Jake Harley-English** , named after your great-great-great grandfather. You live on an island with your sister and grandmother, **Jade**. Though your sister's chosen to stick with Harley as a surname, and your grandmother stuck with English. In case it wasn't made clear, they have the same first name.

Recently, your sister's been coming to you for comfort. She's been worried for the wellbeing of your mutual friend **John** , but certain sources, mostly related to Skaia, tell you that he'll be fine. You're not entirely sure if you believe him though, or the clouds for that matter.

 **Jake: Contact Dave.**

 **-golgothasTerror (GT) began pestering TurntechGodhead (TG)-**

GT: Hello Dave!

TG: hey man

TG: how are things with you and the sis

GT: Pretty well I guess.

GT: Although Jade's still pretty worried about John. I've told her many times exactly what you've told me but it doesn't seem to help ease her any.

TG: yeah

TG: i know how that goes

TG: seriously though everything will be fine

TG: davesprite knows what hes talking about

GT: I know but…

GT: It's just…

GT: *sighs* Do you have anything new you can tell me?

GT:*:-(

TG: not really

TG: sorry man

TG: but what I *can* say is this

TG: no matter where egderp goes ill always be there in some way to keep an eye on him

TG: so don't worry your skullcap about it

TG: making me think youre doubting the natural cool of the strider fam you know

GT: Ahaha! Yes! Quite right! I really am sorry for coming across in such a manner Dave. You know I could never for a second doubt your remarkable swordsmanship. Halfswordsmanship? Or Dirk's for that matter.

GT: Oh yeah! How IS Dirk anyway? I've been trying to message him for quite some time now but all I get is his infuriatingly annoying autoresponder!

TG: hes cool i guess

TG: just been busy making up some sick raps among other things

TG: and ive been making up some sweet jams to go with them cause

TG: you know

TG: bros gotta stick together and all that

GT: Oh yes. I completely understand that Dave. But could you just maybe…give him my regards?

TG: sure thing

TG: so is that all you need now or

GT: Yes. I think that's all for now. Goodbye Dave.

TG: yeah later

 **-golgothasTerror (GT) stopped pestering TurntechGodhead (TG)-**

 **Jake: Look outside.**

You go to your window and look outside. It's still early in the morning, and the sun's only just risen. It would look radiant if you could actually see it. But the clouds have been blocking it. Strangely enough, it's almost like they've been moving with the sun itself. That hardly makes any sense, you think. You also think it might be a precursor to today's events. Jade said John's adventure is supposed to start today, and she's grown increasingly panicked about it with each passing hour. For the last hour though, she's been unnervingly calm and cool about things. You know she only gets like this when her worry is at its peak.

It seems not even grandma's been able to calm her.

Speaking of Jade, there she is outside with Bequerel! The trusty dog has always been there for her, through thick and thin. You wonder if he's helping her. He probably is.

Good dog.

Best friend.

 **Jake: Be Jade.**

You are now your sister Jade.

You've been working yourself up into quite a panic over John's wellbeing lately, since the clouds of Skaia- as well as Davesprite- have told you that he is destined to go on an important interdimensional journey today. You have no idea what these other worlds will be like. All you know is that some of them even involve time-travel at some point, and that Davesprite, from another world, is responsible for getting him home.

But what's been on your mind more recently is that not even _he_ knows for sure what happened to John before they met up.

So you've decided to go outside and see if Bec could help any.

 **Jake** is the Page of Hope and you're the Witch of Space, and while his hope hasn't done anything to ease your worry, you know that as a Witch of Space, and with Bec's help, there's still something you can do.

You've magnified John's power as the Heir of Breath by fifty percent, at the cost of twenty percent of your own power. When his adventure begins, he'll have control over the interdimensional winds, and maybe his denizen would be willing to help him? Just in case that's not enough, you've imbued some of your consciousness into a stone for him to take with him. You were inspired by something you've seen in a video game once- you think it was called a Gossiping Stone or something, and you know John would approve.

You wish there was more you could do, but there isn't. All you can do now is send him the stone through Bec. And you're almost out of time even for that!

 **Jade: Send stone!**

Well, here goes!

You toss the stone through Bec and it ends up on John's nightstand, right by his glasses.

Now all that's left is for him to take it with him when he wakes up again.


End file.
